While the parents are away. . .the kids will play!

Monty and I were able to get away to Kunming for a couple of days in early May. Our 10 year anniversary was coming up so we thought it would be a good time for a little marriage retreat. We were blessed to be able to to meet with a couple with many years experience in family and marriage work. It was encouraging to say the least. Some things we learned were:

*When you have pre-school age children it is good to have a 4 hour block of time for a date once every two weeks. They said it takes 2 hours to get passed all of the "who pooped where" conversations. We tried it and found they were right!

*There are 4 types of marriages and we learned strengths and weaknesses of each type. 1)hot and cold marriage. This is a marriage that is full of passion and love and when there is a fight it is a blow up. This type has the highest divorce rate as people get tired and cannot take the fighting that leads to making up. 2)the "best friend" marriage. This is Monty and I - the strengths are the camaraderie and ability to work through tough situations together but the weakness is that it gets boring and needs more passion. This type of marriage has the 2nd highest divorce rate. 3) the egalitarian marriage - this is when everything is 50/50. The wife usually works and pulls her half of the load. This has the 3rd highest divorce rate as thing are not fair once children come into the picture. It's hard to be 50/50 about breast-feeding 4) the "traditional" marriage. This has the lowest divorce rate! This is the type of marriage in which the man usually makes all the decisions and the wife stays home. This marriage can endure many hardships, but the weakness is that they can endure so much that they tend to not adapt or change when there are problems, thus becoming very stale relationships. They have the tendency to lose all passion, exchanging it for duty and endurance. So, what type are you?

*In this type of work there are two types of people - those who give the job 140% and do amazing things in a short time (which usually leads to brokenness in the family and health after 4 or 5 years). There are also those who give the job 80% and plod along for the long haul.

*We were given advice to take a time out in the midst of arguments for 10 minutes. During this time we are to individually write about what we are fighting about and then come back together to see if we agree and can come to some reconciliation.

*After being in the meeting for the first 2 hours, of which I was on my best "wifely" behaviour ,the counselor, who did not know us previously, pointed out that I am an extremely independent and capable woman. He then asked Monty what struggles and blessings he finds in this. Monty found this interesting (which he knew all along but found amusing that an outsider observed this so quickly). Monty shared about how we could not live where we do and him travel as often as he needs to if I were not like this. But, the down side is that I tend to dig my heels in and not give in on issues I think I am right on (even if Monty is not in agreement). One thing that I learned about Monty from this counselor's observances is that he loves words and articulating words properly. I realized that sometimes we end up arguing just because I felt rushed and did not think about what I said which offended him and so on. I have noticed a love in Manon for words and using new vocabulary and really putting thought into how she speaks. Now I can totally see where it comes from.

When the week-end was over and I asked Monty what was the best thing he got out of our time in KM his comment was "just time away with you." I must say I agree. It seemed the time to ourselves for uninterrupted conversations over meals, in taxi's or while shopping was wonderful. We had some time for fun things like swimming (without holding a little one), eating wonderful western meals (without having to share my desert), and just walking around the city (without pushing a stroller and carrying one on shoulders).

We do love our children so much but I think the break brought us home refreshed and revived - even though it is so hard for me to leave them. Here are some photos of our kids adventures while we were away. We have many wonderful friends here who offered to pitch in and babysit while we were away.

The kids got to play

Manon on the slide at the so-called "amusement" park.

Henna in the bicycle ride that goes over the park.

Manon and Aunt Kelly on the log ride.

Manon and Henna looking at a camel at the local "zoo."

The night before the trip as I was feeling guilty about leaving the kids I asked them if they wanted to go. Manon and Henna looked at the schedule I prepared for them and all of the fun babysitters they would have and said "no way!" I don't think Judah felt the same way and would have gone in a heart beat but he had 3 girls here to look after him around the clock so he was carried and indulged in abundance.

Baby Mowery #4

is growing and seems to be doing well. Here is a picture of my once again expanding tummy. Today the girls were lining up candles on the table labeling them as members of our family. They chose a nice round one for me and said it was because I am so fat now:). I don't mind though, I love being pregnant!